For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to learn how to shuffle poker chips. I’ve been trying to really nail down the perfect shuffle. This is where you get exactly one chip from the left stack, then one from the right, and so on. If you started with 4 red chips and 4 green chips
R R R R G G G G
Actual question from an immunity challenge on the Survivor finale…
“What is the best way to avoid a shark attack?
A) Don’t make sudden movements
B) Don’t make eye contact
C) Cover any open wounds
D) Stay out of the water”
8 out of 9 of the survivor contestents answered it wrong.
Eight. Out of nine. Wrong.
I think that this explains a great deal. Why John came away from the game thinking he was a genius. Why the Jaws movies were so popular. Why my morning commute is so unpleasant. And why the world is probably going to come to an end in the next 25 minutes.
Okay, I’ve been practising shuffling poker chips while working, and I’m starting to get the hang of it. I can do two stacks of five with about a 50% success rate, but only under the right conditions. If I try to shuffle Dalbir’s 11.5 gram poker chips instead of my 9 gram poker chips, it doesn’t work. If I look away from the chips, it doesn’t work. If somebody else is watching me, it doesn’t work. If I try it on the slippery tables in the conference rooms, it doesn’t work. If there’s too much humidity, it doesn’t work. If I’m wearing purple, it doesn’t work. You get the idea.
It’s amazing how long it takes to learn a motor skill once you’re all grown up. Let this be a lesson to you parents out there… get little Mary Lou started on chip shuffling now if you ever want her to hustle poker.
Stolen wholesale from Dave Barry’s blog, in case any of you didn’t see it there…
Dick (Gephardt) casts a shadow.
This is your brain. This is your brain on a glass of red wine.
Is it just me, or does this look like the intro to a James Bond movie, only with the naked women silhouettes substituted out…
CNN has chosen to advertise their mental health guide with the following scary-ass image.
Is it possible that they are trying to drive traffic by triggering anxiety attacks?
Four found dead in rural N.C. Call me crazy, but I think we’re looking for a suspect named Moe…
I’m trying to learn how to shuffle together stacks of poker chips with one hand. The chips keep ending up on the floor, and I think I’m developing a repetitive stress injury. If anybody has advice, I’d appreciate it.
Let Them Sing It For You. Fabulous.