…is there anything they can’t do?

Can you figure out what the story is about?

From Two Small Planes Collide Over Florida… At least two people were feared dead.

ABCNEWS.COM June 13 — A desperate shortage of punctuation marks at The Associated Press resulted in careful rationing in the article headlined Beloved N.Y. Bra Lady Dies at 95. Conservation efforts included the following…

Several periods: Koch, who died Thursday, had been hospitalized since last week, when she fell and broke her hip at the Town Shop, whose threshold she first crossed in 1927, when she married Henry Koch and his lingerie business.

One comma, and possibly a period for good measure: But last year, after national news stories appeared about an old woman who still found a reason to believe in life, in work and in the importance of a bra that fits she suddenly became famous.

Two parentheses: She went to his successful business there were four stores then to handle his account.

One semicolon: “I always liked people. No sales pressure that we don’t allow,” she said.

According to a highly placed source at The Associated Press, the punctuation shortage was a temporary problem that has since been addressed. “.,:;.,(:;)…,” added one contact, who asked not to be identified, “!!!”.

Swazi king blames women’s trousers for world’s ills. Such a short article, so many fabulous quotes.
“The Bible says curse be unto a woman who wears pants, and those who wear their husband’s clothes.”… Mswati.
“What rights?”… Mswati.
“The king says I am the cause of the world’s problems because of my outfit. Never mind terrorism, government corruption, poverty and disease, it’s me and my pants. I reject that,”… Thob’sile Dlamini.

… to read news on the internet.
“Primative” spelling bid fails at CNN

Also check out this latest from the crack graphics team at CNN…

My stomach is making some really weird noises. Not grumbling. Think more along the lines of the big blue opera singer from The Fifth Element.

Local News & Culture May Fade Away
Okay, I can sort of see the point about providing venues for local music… it’s the reason I can’t stand Blockbuster Music. But preserving local news programs? Has this guy ever lived in a small town? Out of the handful of times I tuned in for our crack Urbana news team, I remember…
… the time that the blonde anchor said “Oh, shit!” on the air because she lost her place.
… the time that the local sports reporter stood in front of the UI track and started his report with a sheepish grin, “We wanted to broadcast in front of the track because the Olympic track events started today, except that it’s actually happening tomorrow.”
… the 15-20 minute report on the barn fire that had happened much earlier in the day. No people. No animals. Just a barn. This riveting segment ended with the classic line, “Apparently, the barn was full of hay, which fed the fire.”

Local TV news in larger venues like San Jose or Houston (“Marvin Zindler, Eye Witness News”, anyone?) manages to be just as useless with even less comedy. I don’t know anybody who actually watches it. And I’m not quite convinced that it rates as a “cultural” element that needs to be preserved.

Polar Bear Chews on Submarine

“Rear rudders of U.S. submarines aren’t designed as snacks, but [the bear] had to find this out for himself,” Gray said. I’m guessing [the bear] could not be reached for comment.

librarians don’t have a sense of humor? The director of the Great Falls Public Library has the perfect name suggestions for the ducklings that were found in the library plaza. The names? 598.41, 598.42, 598.43 and so on, which (of course!) correspond to where the duck books are found.